I AM PREGNANT WITH AN MFA THESIS - SEptember 2026
I hope this finds you well! The last time we chatted (okay emailed) I was in sunny Durham, NC nearing the end of my time in residence there this summer. Now, I am back in Champaign, IL about four weeks into my last year of graduate school. Between then and now I have also had the joy of spending time in New York City, Connecticut, and good ole STL. We will get into that + more NOWWWW!
ADF
I still feel like I have not fully come down from my ADF fever-dream. I feel very proud of the work I made there with the most amazing dancers in the world. Plus getting to meet so many others and see such incredible work. If you would like to see harm reduction here she is! This movement has served as a real starting point for my thesis.
NYC/CN
After I finished up in North Carolina, I jumped on a plane to New York. While there I took a Melt workshop with Moriah Evans that was completely incredible. I also saw Swan Lake and it is making me consider giving up on Modern Dance (not joking). I saw a great show at PAGEAT as well and was able to see so many friends. Last spring I started speaking out loud that I am planning on moving to New York once I finish this degree. Now, I am saying it with my chest! I AM MOVING TO NEW YORK CITY IN JULY OF 2027! It is cliche and I am scared but I am mostly excited and a part of me is already there.
I also spent a week in Connecticut with David Dorfman and his wonderful group of dancers. It was a great week of big sweaty moves and fun making, but the best part was being reunited with my lovely Aubrey and creating together for a short time. I met both David and Aubrey at ADF so it felt very special duhhhhhhhhhhhh!
SOME WRITING ON MY AESTHETIC BIASES
My aesthetics are informed by my personal style, the internet, my interests beyond “my work”, brat green, the stained glass windows I spent 13 years looking at, “po-mo downtown dance,” mixing patterns, wannabe ballet, DIY, queer sentiments, Gabe and Juli and Jmon and Tere and Betsy and Nattie and Jacob and Ramona, rural america, my sock drawer, competition dance, dolly parton, the posters on my bedroom wall, glossier you, DRAMA, femme lesbian fashion, maximalism but also sometimes minimalism, maximal minimalism, my messy ass car, the AI-bullshit my grandma posts on facebook, my brother’s ugly frat shorts, my dad’s collection of tie-dye shirts, my mom’s old purple glasses frames. They are a culmination of everything I have ever seen and loved, or hated but decided should still be mine. They are ironic and also so sincere. They are often loud and bright and messy. They represent my values and flag to others some sort of information about my work and who I am. Of course I hope that they flag to people who I perceive as cool that I too am one of them. Cool. Cool Girl Monologue from Gone Girl. They are the surface of my work and are rooted in my values, but they are NOT MY WORK! I hope my work extends beyond aesthetics and I am writing this because I have been seeing work lately that feels like all it cares about is aesthetics and I will admit that sometimes I like that type of work so maybe the difference is getting less important. So these are my aesthetics and they implicate all sorts of biases. I look at the world through the lens of my aesthetics and the values they represent. When I am encountered with work that falls outside of this, I sometimes find myself having to do a bit of extra work to enjoy it. That does not mean I do not enjoy it, just that it comes less naturally to me. Like trying to put on a pair of skinny jeans for the first time in ten years. But then again, I saw Swan Lake this summer and it made me want to give up on Modern Dance.
WHAT I HAVE BEEN READING!
Many of these texts are directly related to my thesis, but some are not! Interestingly enough, I have found that addiction is everywhere if you are looking for it. All of the media I have consumed since declaring this to be my topic of interest has had some way of helping me understand the topic deeper. Maybe this si a red-car theory moment or perhaps it is just that prevalent. I have found that lately I lean towards listening to fiction and reading non-fiction. As I write the thesis I find that fictional characters provide so much information AND the style of fiction writing is something I am interested in finding in my writing. All mentioned below are ones that I have thoroughly enjoyed.
I am currently listening to Fruit Fly by Josh Silver which I have been looking forward to since before its release. It is pretty directly tied to my research and incredibly funny. It uses a split narrative to tell the story from two perspectives which I always find compelling. The characters are deeply unlikable (pro for me) and utterly compelling. It is sort of giving Yellowface but a rich straight white woman trying to write a story about a drug addicted homeless gay man.
I am also reading Judith Butler’s Precarious Life which is theory on whose lives are deemed grievable and the power of mourning to prevent violence. I will be honest and admit that I struggle with Butler’s writing, BUT I am really enjoying this text.
My favorite recent read was On Freedom by Maggie Nelson. If you have been reading my newsletter for some time, you know I am a bit of a Nelson super fan. On Freedom looks at freedom through the lenses of art, sex, drugs, and climate. Nelson is of course an incredible writer, but what brings me back to her work again and again is how well read she is. Everytime I read one of her books I walk away with ten more on my TBR. I am set to finish five of her books this year, next up is The Art of Cruelty.
I also ADORED Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. I have never been so sad to leave a fictional character behind. It tells the story of a young Appalachian boy, Demon, whose mother dies of a drug overdose when he is very young. He is thrown into the foster care system and eventually falls into his own addictions. It is beautifully written and perhaps my favorite novel I have ever read.
Contradictory take… I really enjoyed Jennette McCurdy’s novel, Half His Age. I have read her memoir more than any other book on my shelf, but heard mixed (mostly bad) things about her novel. I gave it a shot regardless and found it incredibly compelling despite being a sort of overly played out cliche (teacher/student relationship). I found the protagonist complex AND what I liked about it the most is how McCurdy writes about young female desire without abstaining the perpetrator of responsibility.
NEXT UP ON MY TBR: Testo Junkie by Paul B. Preciado, The Age of Addiction: How Bad Habits Became Big Business David T. Courtwright, Mothers by Jacqueline Rose, Epistemology of the Closet by Eve Kosofsky Sedqwick, Crack Wars: Literature Addiction Mania by Avital Ronell, White Out: The Secret Like of Heroin by Michael W. Clune, and many many more. If you have a book (especially related to my thesis) that should be added to this list, let me know!
There is of course always more to be said, but I will leave it at this for now. As always, reach out with any thoughts and thank you for reading!
xx,
Marlee
